Ugh. After eight or so years with a comp and a couple of little kerfluffles that required repair along the way, if finally happened. The massive hard-drive failure so serious that the tech couldn’t even get it to boot up.

A moment of silence, please.

Most of my docs were backed up on a flash drive but I lost my OE and favorites so I’ll be spending some time tracking down URLs again. Two editing jobs will need to be re-done but a few were recovered and I’ve sent those off already to the publisher.

This weekend’s plans: work, work, work, watch some of the Belmont coverage, work, work, work.

Accomplished so far this weekend:

I did not stare fruitlessly at my submissions table; I went through my calls
for subs, analyzed which was worth it ($100 vs. $500) of the two contests,
both of which are due next Sunday, and decided to focus on the bigger prize.
Yeah, I’m a mercenary whore. Plus, this story has a more fun voice to work
with. Sometimes, ya just gotta go with fun.

Its chance in the contest is probably quite limited but it’s a twist on the theme that I doubt anyone else will come up with.

1- I resubbed a piece that’s been at a print market since October with no response to follow-up emails regarding its status. Phuck ‘em. It went to an online market that usually responds pretty quickly. If the print market ends up wanting it, they can have reprint rights.

2- Made good progress on the book doctor project yesterday. I’ll do more today and
tomorrow. Right now, it’s just slash and hack with the occasional foray into hacked off material for further scene building and additional dialogue, with notes like “add new scene here” and “insert character hypnosis scene here” smooshed in. It’s challenging but fun. I’ll be doing lots more of this type of work for this client.

3- Did an initial ‘contracts are coming’ email to my AA authors. Made mental note to post the stories list here.

4- Took on a proofing gig for Torquere that was a little last minute but I can fit it in. Keeping Torquere happy with me is one of my goals in life.

5- Reset my office so that I have horizontal workspace to my left. The cats approve.

6- Packed away my “winter” (ha! this is phucking Phlorida!) clothes, got out
the summer duds.

7- Watched Smallville in the hopes that Tom Welling removed
his shirt. My hopes were dashed.

8- Stopped at the barn to see the babies. Two foals are less than 2 weeks old; the 4 week old is now allowed out in the paddock with Mom. He was tear assing around the grass, as fast as his skinny little legs could take him, only to buck, change direction and tear ass around in the other direction. It’s a scream. I luff him. When he’s in the stall he lets me rub his little horsey head and smooch him on the face. Did I mention that I luff him?

Another Friday of Getting Things Done. Well, at least as an editor. Writing? Hhmm, haven’t done any of that for a while. Here’s hoping the writer’s workshop kicks my creative ass…

I was able to finish reviews for two Loose ID submissions and report on those. One is a probable no; the other I want to see the full MS on. Got edits returned to an author for her tweaks. She’s so imaginative and full of ideas! I’m looking forward to seeing her revise.

And I sent a couple of acceptances today for the Torquere Press Animal Attraction anthology. A dog story, one horse and one elephant piece. I want to have a nice mix of animals represented so any more dog stories that come in will have to be really stellar as I have three now. There’s one story in the “kinda maybe” box that I have to think about yet. The others I’ll be able to review soon.

If you’re an author who is considering subbing–you’ve still got time! I’m leaving tomorrow for a writer’s workshop and figured I’d give writers that extra time to sub. So, you’ve got ’til January 30th now. No excuses! Think fur, feathers, gills, muzzles, noses, paws, hooves and tails and get writing!

Just a Reviewer was most kind in his review of BGLS 2005 and he’s commented on BGLS 2006 with equal enthusiasm:

“What luck! Characters, “Steven & Conrad” are back….big time…..in author Vincent Diamond’s “Tropical Daze.” If ya liked this duo’s arousingly romantic get-together in the 2005 Edition, ‘yer gonna git excited enuff to fall off a horse’ over what they do in this 2006 version. I so like that this writer so gets it right…..so puts words together as most other writers can’t… Give us some novels, guys.

(NOTE–Diamond retains his 5-Star rating; following authors are at the 4- or 3-Star level; remaining works are lower)”

It’s most heartening to read that *someone* enjoyed the stories enough to take the time to comment on Amazon about them. I wasn’t able to login and thank JAR on his review (even though I’ve bought stuff from Amazon- hello, Amazon, you’re making it really hard to use your darn tools), nor am I able to “friend” him but maybe, maybe, he’ll find my website and be happy.

And maybe I should give more serious thought to a Steven and Conrad novel. I do have it outlined and just haven’t given serious thought to completing because, why exactly? I dunno. I was concentrating on my mainstream novel.

And now I’m not.:)Time to trunk it, I fear.

(And if anyone knows how I can contact/email Just a Reviewer to say thanks, please let me know!)

Ya know those horror movies that are so suckingly bad that you end up watching anyway? Laughing at continuity errors, the wretched dialogue, the blatant rip-off of previous movies? Well, boys and girls, brace yourselves ‘coz the SciFi channel is running the dreadful “Beast of Bray Road” this month. Pop your popcorn and get ready to MST the hell out of this fine piece of wasted celluloid.

I laughed out loud. Really.

Now don’t get me wrong. I luv me some bad werewolf movies. Dog Soldiers? Started out good, ended up bad. I still watch it if it’s on. The Ginger Snaps series? Gave up on them when I realized they was just soft-core porn not-so-cleverly disguised as werewolf movies. What was that last one Wes Craven did a couple years back? Cursed? Something like that. Again, good start with a Creepy Scene in the Woods, but then it devolved into a Buffy-punning scenario so bad in a good way.

But Beast of Bray Road is a whole different level of badness. The kind of bad that, should *any* of these actors ever make it big, they’ll want to send their entourage and personal assistants on a divine mission to buy up every single copy of this “film” ever produced.

First of all, it’s a total Jaws rip-off. The recently transplanted cop from out of town who doesn’t know the scoop yet? Check. An elected official who wants to win again? Check. A town economically dependent on its natural resources? Check. A scientist who is supposed to know more about the animal than these stupid civilians? Check. The list could go on but I won’t. Benchley, if he were still alive, would probably have sued.

This is a movie where there was more money spent on special effects than something so pesky as a real writer. You know, one who could write, oh say, compelling dialogue. Someone who might write a phrase better than “brutally massacred”. (As if anyone has ever been gently massacred or perhaps lovingly massacred). Or dialogue like, “How dangerous is this animal?” after three characters have been killed by it. Um, I dunno, Officer Halfwit. Pretty damn dangerous, I’d say.

All of the female characters are way way way overly made-up and intended to be Hawt. Clearly, push-up bras were a key element of the wardrobe department’s budget. And of course, there are Horror Movie Cliché Moments. No less than three different characters leap from the relative safety of their motor vehicles to take off running through the dark woods when something Big and Scary jumps on or in the car. Ya gotta love characters like this; there’s a dark part of me that’s just relieved they’re out of the gene pool.

Watch it. It has to be seen to be dis-believed.

http://www.kyhorsepark.com/

Wow, this is Disney World for horse geeks. I took a sedate trail ride on a horse appropriately name Tigger. Saw two shows of the “Best of Breeds” exhibition, visited with mares and new foals, got kissed by an 18-hand warmblood gelding who either really liked my blue hat or just thought I looked tasty.

The Hall of Champions is a must-see. The stallions there, one of whom is the thoroughbred champion Cigar, clearly believe that they are (still) Studly Hung-so-Well. They come out of their stalls, heads held high. They lean over the rope, literally pose for the visitors, and hold still for the cameras. And all just have the most “I am SUCH hotshit” ‘tude I’ve ever seen in a horse. Absolutely imperious, every one. Lotsa fun!

Lots of educational goodies, two wonderful museums, a trail ride, and hands-on with equines. Loved it, want to go back and Lexington is now competing with Savannah as the town I most want to live in someday.

http://www.exoticfelinerescuecenter.org/home.html

I visited this refuge in June, 2006 and it was thrilling and saddening and kinda creepy. (There’s one segment of the tour where you’re walking between cages about eight feet apart. One side has Very Interested Tigers in it, walking along with you; the other has Not As Interested Lions. Still extremely intimidating). So many of the cats’ stories are dreadful.

This refuge is unusual for a few reasons. One: the cages didn’t have rope barriers in front of them. Now rope barriers don’t prevent a halfwit (or child for that matter), from walking up and sticking his/her hand in a cage but it’s psychological barrier for a visitor. You have a sense that you’re safe from behind the rope and the cats have the same sense, that strangers won’t be invading their homes.

So, in the section where I walked between cages with enormous predators stalking alongside me, I was viscerally reminded that I am *so* not the top of the food chain. For a few minutes there I was really wondering,” Did I take a wrong turn? Am I supposed to be back here? And what if one of these cages has a hole in it?” I’m tellin’ ya: majorly creepy.

Two: unlike other refuges (and zoos) where only perfect physical specimens are displayed, some of the damaged cats are on the tour. It’s sad to see an abused leopard, limping around his cage, his tail permanently kinked from injury. But dammit, it’s supposed to be sad. Though it might be disturbing to see, it’s the reality too many of these animals suffer.

If you’re in Indiana, it’s well worth the visit and they are always glad to have visitors and donations. They are located about 45 minutes west of Bloomington, off State Road 46 west.

And if you’d like to buy a gorgeous book about the center: http://www.exoticfelinerescuecenter.org/merchandise.html

I don’t watch reality TV shows.

I’ve never seen an episode of Survivor, American Idol, The Bachelor, America’s Next Top Model, or any of that ilk. And I never will.

In fact, I don’t watch much TV at all and when I do, it’s not to watch people being humiliated, embarrassed, and literally or figuratively scolded by a host or verbally bitch-slapped by another contestant. To me, it feels base and degrading to deliberately watch other people put themselves in situations where there’s a guaranteed bad outcome for someone, and call it “entertainment”.

And I think it says something about our culture that so many people do watch these shows and find them compelling. That advertisers line up to reach the demographic that is watching. That people spend more time watching, discussing, analyzing, and caring about these stupid TV shows than they do about the real problems this planet faces.

But.

But, it’s just entertainment, people protest. It’s just a way to kill time. It’s just fluff.

Do we need more phucking fluff in the world?

And then someone asked me, “well, how can you object to crap like reality TV when you write crap like gay porn?”

Valid question. And here’s my answer.

Because the stories I write (and it ain’t gay porn, lemme tell ya and any gay man who reads them will probably agree), are at the very least about two human beings connecting with each other. They’re not hurling invectives at one another; they’re not scheming to get another team member thrown out of the inner circle; they’re not pandering to our base instincts about throwing the weakest chimp out of the chimpanzee tribe. And anyone who doesn’t think we’re just chimps with cell phones hasn’t read Jane Goodall

Because the stories I write give a few people some pleasure, even if it’s only for a few minutes and it’s read with one hand. I don’t mind that.

Because I hope the stories I write celebrate our humanity and our sense of attachment to one another, however brief. I write characters that treat each other kindly, not with malice.

And if that’s more phucking fluff then so be it.

One of the questions new writers often ask me: how do I know when it’s good enough?

You have to Get Crit.

That is, unless you’re so supremely confident in your writing skills, your choice of markets, and that your prose quality mirrors published material, you’ll probably find it instructive to have someone (preferably, more than one someone), read and critique your work. (This assumes you aspire to professional publication).

Critting is the basis structure of most MFA programs, the Clarion workshops, many adult ed courses, various online forums, and face-to-face groups that meet in private homes, bookstores and libraries all over the world. Finding one is pretty easy. Finding one that works for you can be harder.

The most important criteria for choosing a crit group is: can they help me? Do they know the basics of writing? Can the group members clearly articulate what is and isn’t working in your text? Does the vibe of the group feel comfortable? When you leave meetings, do you feel inspired to go back and work on the material that was critted? Do you want to write more and are you eager to attend meetings?

If the answer to any of these questions is “no”, then this is not the group for you.

The group members, for the most part, should know their shit. That means understanding mechanics, POV, narrative exposition versus scenes, flashbacks, physical beats. All that nitty-gritty stuff that has to be in order for professional publication. If most of the group members are new writers, with little or no experience, then there are limitations as to what improvements they can suggest. (Writers who don’t understand POV themselves are not going to be able point out POV issues in your work). They can still be valuable as cold readers, and most folks can pick out some grammar and spelling errors for you. Having a simple Reader’s Response to a story is still valuable.

Your crit group should be able to tell you—precisely and coherently—why a problem in your story is a problem and be able to suggest a fix. Floaty, ethereal “oh, Jane is such a quirky character but this just feels so bleak” crits are not helpful. Perhaps bleak is what you’re going for. Perhaps you need to be using more cold descriptors to evoke bleak and you need to change the setting for the couples’ Talk about Their Future to a cemetery instead of a cheerful café. Concrete suggestions are what you need. You may not use the exact suggestion but it can still get your brain whirring to come up with a better solution.

I’ll post Part Two of this tomorrow! And I’d like to get other writers’ suggestions on what makes critique work for you. Whether you’re using an online resource, a Real Life group, or some combination, how do you get the most out of your critters?

Let the flogging begin!

Oh, no, that’s actually blogging. And I must admit, I’m doing this with some trepidation. When I first heard of Live Journal and blogging, I’d imagined it to be the dense natterings of teenaged girls, all in abbreviated Netspeak, endlessly oohing and cooing over Orlando Bloom. (The oohing and cooing I get; it’s the Orlando Bloom part that I don’t understand- heh). But it’s been pointed out to me by various folks (i.e. publishers and marketing-savvy authors) that a LJ is an efficient way to keep in touch with thousands of people at one time.

Clearly, I don’t have *thousands* of people interested in me but for the folks who have generously read my stories and/or bought “Feathers” as a Single Shot.(Now available through Torquere Press! Just a hint! www.torquerepress.com), I’m hoping that this Journal can be a way to keep in touch.

A little mini-bio about me: I’m an author and I’ve been studying writing “seriously” for the past ten years. Pub credits include: Alyson Publications, Carnifex Press, Cleis Press, Haworth Press, Ruthie’s Club, Clean Sheets, and Torquere Press. I write horror, action/adventure, erotica, and mainstream fiction and what I sell the most is—you guessed it—erotica. It feels a little odd because I send out just as many stories in the other genres as erotica and apparently there’s a much higher demand for erotica than for other types of stories. Heh. I don’t mind; I still cash the checks!

I’m a proofreader by profession and the past few months I’ve been freelancing for a great client. They’re a great client because they Pay Really Well. Besides writing, I read, of course, and just kinda grab anything on the library shelf that interests me. I buy books at least once a month but I’m much more selective about what I buy. (My disposable income is limited, alas). When I do buy it tends to be horror, suspense, and most any horsey fiction, plus nonfiction about big cats or horses. My Very Favorite Author in the whole world is Thomas Harris, followed closely by Stephen King, Alison Lurie, Jane Smiley, and Carl Hiassen. I can recommend all of them, both as a reader and a writer.

More on them in later entries.

If you have any comments on my stories or questions about writing, especially short fiction, feel free to leave them here. I’ll do my best to answer questions or point you in the right direction for finding an answer. My goal is to update this at least once a week, and given my schedule, it will most likely be done on a weekend.